Colbert Questionnaire

The Late Show is Cancelled: How would I answer the famous 15 questions?

1. What is the best sandwich?

On the one hand this is an easy one for me: But there is a story. When PND senior joined Intercontinental Hotels we went – in a matter of days it seemed – from a small UK provincial hotel to a resort hotel stuck in the middle of one of the most exotic cities in the world. Bangkok was sticky, stinky and may as well have been on Mars it was so different from our experience. We were living in a five-star hotel and of course, there was a pool side restaurant. It was here that I had my first hotdog, cheese burger and the most amazing invention I had ever come across, the banana split. I’d never seen anything like this: Three scoops of chocolate, strawberry and vanilla squeezed between something called a banana and all covered in this creamy stuff out of a can! And, there was always a cherry on top.

In this image the pool restaurant is immediately behind the camera.

To digress, immediately before we left England, my Aunt visited from Cyprus and she brought with her a large crate of oranges. These were considered so exotic in England that in addition to the ‘200 Pall Mall’ gift box collected in duty free, my gran would also get oranges! You can imagine how the world seemed to open up to me when I got my first look at the banana split.

Later on, we visited with another expat family from America. This time ‘off campus’ at their house. The American “mom,” decided to make lunch: The grilled cheese sandwich. I’d never heard of it and couldn’t understand why cheese was grilled in America. This most basic concoction, with “mayonnaise” on the outside, had me asking for grilled cheese sandwiches for weeks after. None were as good as the first taste when the grilled crust separated, and the melted cheese seemed to expand into all the corners of my mouth at once and then get stuck between my little teeth. It was fantastic. And that’s why The Grilled Cheese is the best sandwich.

2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out?

I don’t have a lot of superfluous stuff. And definitely nothing compromising someone may find when I’m done. If anything, I am more sorry for some of the things I’ve thrown away. Like the full (yes, the entire team), autographed photo of the Manchester United 1968 European Cup winners. That was an accident, the photo was inserted into the pages of a book I threw out. I did just throw out all my employer branded items so I’ll go with that.

The team photo is just to the left of the lampshade. (There is also the Jackson 5 and oddly Raymond Burr - both purposely trashed at some point).

3. What is the scariest animal?

I don’t know why more guests didn’t pick this one: It is clearly Humans.

4. Apples or oranges?

Not withstanding the earlier reference to oranges, I go with Apples on this one. The crunch of a hard, ripe Macintosh. Can’t beat it. It has to be a red or red/yellow one apple. Also good with peanut butter. I’m not so crazy about the green ones.

5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?

Several hotels later, we were in Melbourne, Australia. This wasn’t a resort hotel but a city hotel and an early version of a convention hotel where the ball room was an afterthought. At the time, Melbourne had few top-class hotels. About eight years earlier, The Beatles had stayed at this place so when ‘important’ people came to Melbourne they stayed at The Southern Cross. As it turns out, the hotel was also the venue for the Australian version of the Emmy’s and there was a big event each year. We got to hang about during this event. So yes, while I am not at all famous, I have asked many actors and athletes for their autograph. In my book I have Steve Majors ($6mm man), John Wayne (cowboy), Diane Silento (Actress), Henry Winkler (The Fonz), Lee Marvin (Tough Guy), Paul Hogan (Croc Dundee) and a few others including sports stars of the time. There are many I have no idea who they are. Since that time I do not believe I’ve asked anyone for their autograph – not counting book signings!

6. What do you think happens when we die?

Carbon

7. Favorite action movie?

At an inappropriately young age I became very excited about the James Bond books, but the only place to see the Sean Connery movies was in a cinema but the movies were long gone by this point. However, one day I saw a double bill in a Melbourne suburban movie house showing Dr. No and From Russia With Love. This had to happen. So I begged and pleaded and eventually prevailed. Probably because, inconceivably in my mind, my mother wanted to see them as well. I can still watch these movies and that’s why From Russia with Love is the best action movie. (The original Day of the Jackal is the second – non Bond – movie).

8. Window or aisle seat?

The Boeing Dreamliner has this “feature” that makes the windows go darker automatically so that the windows do not need a shade. I hate this ‘feature’. No one asked for it. We sit by the window to see outside. Even at night. I’d have missed seeing the Northern Lights if my window was shaded. I don’t have bladder issues either which is why the window is the best seat.

9. What is your favorite smell?

Pikake (which is the Hawaiian name for Arabian Jasmine) or gardenia. It’s a toss up.

10. What is your least favorite smell?

Human BO

11. Exercise: worth it?

My Dad took me to his gym once when I was about 8 years old. I think he wanted to get me out of the house to give Mom a break. Since then I go every day around 6am. It requires discipline but is a habit. I’ve also been a consistent runner since junior high but it wasn’t until my mid-30s that I routinely tracked my running. I would only self report my best times. But eventually, I logged my weekly miles and I know over the past 30 years I’ve averaged 1000 miles each year. So yes, I exercise is worth it.

12. Flat or sparkling?

Prefer sparkling. In Bangkok we couldn’t drink the tap water. At least twice per day, a maid would come in and fill up little pitchers of water which rarely lasted the intended time. Regardless, we continually had tummy trouble which was one of the better things about having to leave for another hotel assignment. That and snakes.

Sparking is much more refreshing. Some bottled water is undrinkable without bubbles.

13. Most used app on your phone?

The LightRoom Camera app but when traveling the United Airlines app where I get consumed making sure I get my desired seat selection.

14. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?

Not continually but if it’s the only one on repeat then for me it has to be Wahine ‘llikea which is an Hawaiian song written by Dennis Kamakahi. My second choice is Summer Wind sung by Frank Sinatra (and The Boss stole my choice).

15. What number am I thinking of?

1,799

15b. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words.

Explorer, learner, partner, no regrets.